Wedding Invitation Etiquette - Helpful Tips for the Bride and Groom

In the many years that we have been in business, we've encountered countless happy brides and grooms. Not all of them were calm. This is the most important and special day of your life and with careful planning and organization you can increase your enjoyment of not only your "big day" but all the days leading up to it.

Our hope is that this information will help all brides and grooms better plan their wedding and make it one of the most perfect memories of their life.

Bride and Groom's Planning Calendar
Etiquette Questions
Wedding Expenses
What You Need, When You Need It, Why It's Proper
Helpful Tips for Addressing and Assembling Wedding Invitations

BRIDE AND GROOM'S PLANNING CALENDAR

Six To Twelve Months Before Your Wedding

• Announce engagement. Use formal printed announcements and/or the newspaper.
• Select a wedding date and time.
• Choose size and style of wedding-formal, informal, special theme.
• Set a preliminary budget.
• Schedule a meeting with both sets of parents to openly discuss wedding expectations, costs, and responsibilities.
• Hire wedding consultant if you plan to use one.
• Buy a wedding planner or a notebook to remain organized and record decisions.
• Invite attendants to be in your wedding.
• Reserve the ceremony location.
• Choose the officiant for the ceremony.
• Reserve the reception site. Find out what services are included or available.
• Interview caterers, florists, photographers, videographers, musicians, etc. Be sure to taste food options, see the work of florists, photographers and videographers. Listen to or watch tapes of musicians. Ask for references and discuss deposit requirements and the cancellation policy. Hire as soon as possible.
• Create a preliminary guest list, including addresses. Ask all parents to do the same. Include the relationship (friend, uncle), this helps if the list needs to be shortened.
• Begin planning the wedding ceremony and reception.
• Write out directions and or a map to be included on a separate card with invitation.
• Shop for a wedding gown and accessories. Order your dress at least 6-8 months in advance.
• Choose and order attire and accessories for bridesmaids. Keep in mind the time of year and style of wedding.
• Start planning the honeymoon. If you are leaving the country, make sure your passport is up to date and verify any visa requirements.
• Register for wedding gifts. Develop a system for recording gifts as they arrive and for recording when you wrote the thank-you note.

Three To Six Months Before Your Wedding

• Finalize guest list. Write each guest's name and address on an index card and use these to track responses.
• Order wedding and reception invitations, response cards, place cards, announcements, thank you notes, informals, at home cards, hold the date cards and accessories. Always order extra invitations and envelopes to allow for addressing mistakes and surprise guests. It is less expensive to order extras from the start.
• Send out Hold the Date Cards so your guests can reserve your special day on their calendar.
• Address invitations and announcements as soon as possible.
• Arrange to have someone mail the wedding announcements the day of the wedding.
• Start making final decisions and arrangements for the ceremony and reception, including food, music, flowers and any rental equipment.
• Sign contracts and place deposits with caterer, photographer, videographer, florist, musicians and other service providers if you have not already done so.
• Plan rehearsal dinner. Time, menu and guest list.
• Arrange for wedding day transportation for important guests and wedding party.
• Reserve a block of hotel rooms for out-of-town members of the wedding party and guests. It is nice to provide a list of local restaurants and attractions.
• Order wedding rings and make arrangements for engraving.
• Have both mothers select their wedding attire.
• Confirm the delivery date for the wedding gown and bridesmaids dresses. Schedule fittings.
• Choose and order formal wear for groomsmen. Remind men to submit their measurements to your formal wear provider.
• Finalize honeymoon plans.
• Shop for trousseau and special attire for parties, showers and honeymoon.
• Write thank-you notes as gifts are received. If you are using preprinted thank you notes to immediately acknowledge that a gift was received, be sure to send a hand written thank you on your informal notes within two months after the wedding.

Two To Three Months Before Your Wedding

• Finish addressing invitations and announcements.
• Finalize the ceremony details with officiant.
• Finalize details with caterer, florist, musicians, photographer, etc.
• Order wedding cake.
• Finalize plans for bridal luncheon or any other wedding events.
• Check requirements for medical tests and marriage license.
• Schedule appointment to have a picture taken for newspaper announcement.
• Ask someone to be responsible for the guest book.
• Choose small gifts of appreciation for the wedding party.
• Collect the forms necessary to change your name (if you are changing your name) on your Social Security card, driver's license, insurance, etc.
• Continue to write thank you notes.

Six Weeks To Two Months Before Your Wedding

• Mail the invitations (six weeks is customary, eight is becoming increasingly common). It is not uncommon for guests to mail their response card without writing their name. To identify guests if this happens, assign each guest a number. Write this number very small on the back of their response card before you put it in with the invitation. An incomplete response card can now be matched to a guest.
• Use the index cards with each guest's name and address to track responses.
• Order wedding programs and reception accessories such as napkins, cake boxes etc.
• Make final menu decisions.
• Set rehearsal time and verify with all participants.
• Have first wedding dress fitting.
• Schedule to have formal bridal portrait taken two to four weeks before wedding. Make sure wedding dress and shoes will be ready.
• Make sure members of the wedding party have their fitting.
• Make an appointment with your hairdresser to practice your wedding-day hair style. Bring headpiece. Have a makeup consultation at the same time. Schedule hair and makeup appointments for yourself and bridal party on the wedding day. Schedule a manicure for the day before wedding.
• Give photographer a list of all pictures you would like taken, including pictures you may want of the tent, flowers, cake, etc.
• Give videographer list of all shots you would like included in the video.
• Purchase gift for fiancé, if gifts are being exchanged.
• Choose thank-you gifts for parents and any others who helped with wedding.
• Submit wedding announcement and photograph to newspaper.
• Specify date for publishing.
• Continue to write thank you notes.

One Month Before Your Wedding

• Have your final wedding dress fitting.
• Verify that all members of the wedding party have had their final fitting.
• Get blood test and obtain your marriage license.
• Make sure you have all accessories, toasting goblets, cake knife, ring pillow, guest book, etc.
• Create a detailed wedding schedule for all attendants. List all events participants are expected to attend. Include date, time, location and any responsibilities. Give attendants the schedule two weeks before the wedding.
• Give musicians final music list for the ceremony and reception.
• Specify any music you do not want played. Have the music start 30 minutes before the ceremony.
• Prepare your wedding toasts.
• Pick up and try on your wedding bands.
• Confirm honeymoon reservations.

Two Weeks Before Your Wedding

• Confirm final details with all wedding professionals you have hired. Confirm wedding night hotel reservation.
• Give caterer your guest count.
• Finalize seating chart for reception.
• Submit names for place cards to calligrapher or write out yourself.
• Give a wedding-day schedule to all attendants.
• Finish addressing announcements.
• Pick up wedding dress.
• Have your bridal portrait taken.
• Break in your wedding shoes.
• Fill out a change-of-address form at the post office.
• Arrange for someone to collect gifts brought to the ceremony and bring them to your home.

One Week Before Your Wedding

• Verify final details with all service providers. Inform them of any changes.
• Finalize the guest count, making necessary changes to seating chart.
• Confirm transportation for the wedding party.
• Confirm that the photographer understands the list of pictures you have requested.
• Confirm that the videographer understands your specific requests.
• Verify that all wedding attire has been picked up and fits.
• Confirm that all attendants know when to arrive at the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and the wedding ceremony. Confirm that all attendants have a copy of the wedding schedule you created.
• Pack for your honeymoon.
• Stop mail and newspapers during honeymoon.
• Pay bills that will be due while you are away.
• Continue to write thank you notes, if possible.
• Pick up your marriage license.

The Wedding Day

• Be sure that both of you eat something.
• Try to relax and enjoy the day. If anything goes differently than planned, chances are you are the only ones who will notice.

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ETIQUETTE QUESTIONS

Other than friends, the groom's family and my family, who should receive wedding invitations?

Send invitations to the members of the wedding party and their parents. It is also appropriate to include the officiant and his/her spouse. All children over the age of sixteen should receive their own invitation. Plan to order an additional twenty-five invitations to allow for the unexpected. It is less expensive to buy extras now.

Should I have a return address printed on the back flap of the invitation's outer envelope?

Yes! The U.S. Postal Service suggests that all first-class mail have a return address. It gives the wedding guest an address to which to send a reply (if you don't use reply cards) or a gift. Also, it ensures that you will know if the invitation does not reach its destination as it will be returned to the sender.

Is it acceptable to send gift registry cards with the invitation?

It is not proper to include with your wedding invitation any card that mentions gifts you expect to receive. Let friends and family spread the word on where you are registered.

My fiancé and I have had several showers and other parties given in our honor. Therefore, some friends have given us more than one gift. Can we write one thank you note to cover both gifts, or does each gift require a separate note?

Gifts given at separate parties require separate thank you notes. If you use preprinted thank you notes to immediately acknowledge that a gift was received, always follow up with a hand written note to the gift giver. These notes should be written no later than two months after the wedding.

How do you address the outer envelope of an invitation to a married couple if the woman has kept her maiden name?

If the woman kept her name, address the envelope with both names on the same line if space permits:
Mr. William Greenberg and Ms. Laura Vargas
28 Brookview Avenue

For an invitation to an unmarried couple living together, list their names alphabetically on separate lines without "and":
Mr. William Greenberg
Ms. Laura Vargas
28 Brookview Avenue

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WEDDING EXPENSES

The expenses listed below are divided according to tradition. There may be variations due to local customs or special circumstances.

Bride (or her family)

• Wedding invitations (including Response Cards, Reception Cards etc.), all stationery and announcements.
• Wedding consultant
• Wedding cake
• Wedding gown, accessories and trousseau
• Engagement and wedding photographs
• Ceremony expenses (excluding officiant's fee)
• Reception expenses
• Flowers for ceremony, reception and brides attendants
• Transportation of wedding party to ceremony and reception site
• Lodging for out-of-town bridal attendants
• Groom's ring
• Gifts for bride's attendants and groom
• Bridal luncheon (optional)

Groom (or his family)

• Bride's engagement and wedding rings
• Personal wedding attire and traveling expenses
• Marriage license
• Officiant's fee
• Transportation of groomsmen and groom to ceremony; bride and groom to ceremony
• Rehearsal dinner expenses
• Bride's bouquet and going away corsage; corsages for both mothers
• Boutonnieres for groomsmen
• Gifts for groomsmen and bride
• All honeymoon expenses
• Lodging arrangements for out-of-town groomsmen
• Bachelor's dinner (optional)

Attendants

• Wedding attire
• Traveling expenses
• Wedding gift

Bride and Groom

• Gifts for attendants
• Thank you gifts for parents and others who helped with the wedding

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WHAT YOU NEED, WHEN YOU NEED IT, WHY IT'S PROPER

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Helpful Tips for Addressing and Assembling Wedding Invitations

We have prepared this handy guide to help make the addressing and assembly of your wedding stationery a simple task. An orderly approach will not only save time, but also reflects your personal care and thoughtfulness. One will be included with each order.

Addressing

Before you begin addressing, make sure that you have a well organized guest list, complete with full names and addresses. Using 3 x 5 cards gives you flexibility and a simple way to record names and addresses, acceptances, regrets and thank you's. This also allows you to separate your guests into three categories:

1. Those to receive a wedding announcement
2. Guests to receive an invitation to the ceremony only
3. Guests who will be invited to both the ceremony and the reception

Your invitations should be addressed by hand in black ink. To create an added touch of elegance, you may wish to call upon a friend with beautiful handwriting or hire a calligrapher to do the addressing.

Traditionally, two envelopes are used for wedding invitations and announcements. The inner envelope, which may be plain or lined, is without glue and remains unsealed. It is used to enclose the invitation or announcement and any accompanying cards. It also insures the delivery of the invitation itself in a clean envelope. The outer envelope has a glued flap and is used for the complete mailing address. The guest's full name is always used on the outer envelope followed by the street address:
Mr. and Mrs. Laurence Sutton
908 South Main Street
Hingham, Massachusetts 02043

Nicknames or abbreviations should be avoided when possible except for Mr., Mrs., Dr., Jr., etc. and for military rank. You may use an initial if you do not know the full name or if the person never uses his given name. Cities, states, and numbered streets are written out in full. Remember to include zip codes.

The inner envelope always carries the last names only with no address:
Mr. and Mrs. Wilford

The phrase "and family" should be avoided. If you wish to include younger children, they should be mentioned by first name, according to age, on the line following that of their parents:
Mr. and Mrs. Wilford
Mark, Cynthia, Thomas

These names should appear on the inner envelope only. The outer envelope would be simply addressed to the parents. Never write "No Children" on the invitation or envelope. If you do not want children to attend, the situation should be handled verbally.

Formally, dates of single guests should be sent separate invitations. You may wish to enclose a personal note in the invitation of a single guest saying. "Please bring an escort" or "Please bring Miss Marie Quinn".

Two unmarried people who reside at the same address may be sent a single invitation. Their names would appear on separate lines in alphabetic order:
Miss (Ms.) Roberta Trent
Mr. Robert Williamson

This same format may also be used when inviting a married couple, if the wife has kept her maiden name or uses a professional title.

Divorced women are formally addressed by their maiden name plus their married name:
Mrs. Benton Dover

However, contemporary etiquette does allow for the use of the woman's first name:
Mrs. Janet Dover

A widowed woman is always addressed using her husband's first and last names:
Mrs. Henry Clearmont

In addressing clergymen, military officers and medical doctors, always use their titles in full:
The Right Reverend William Prentice
Doctor and Mrs. Martin Swift
Colonel and Mrs. Quinlan Roberts

The return address may be written, imprinted or embossed on the flap of the outer envelope. Your return address should be included on the outer envelope so the invitation can be returned to you if the address is incorrect or if the invitation is not deliverable for some reason.

How to Prepare for Mailing

Your invitations and announcements will arrive flat. Single fold invitations should be folded with the printing on the outside. Those with a cover design should be folded with the design on the outside and the imprinted area on the inside. If the invitation is folded a second time, all insertions are placed inside the second fold with the printed copy facing the flap of the envelope.

Assemble Your Invitations in the Following Manner

With the invitation face up place the tissue over the imprint area. Enclosure cards are then placed face up on top of the tissue with the reception card closest to the invitation. Remember to place a postage stamp on the response envelope. The invitation and accompanying cards should then be placed inside the inner envelope. The printed side faces you, leading into the envelope with the folded edge first.

Note that at-home cards bearing the couple's married name should not be sent with the invitation.

Finally, the inner envelope, with all of the contents mentioned above, is inserted into the outer envelope. The guest's name should face the back of the outer envelope so that it is seen immediately when removed from the outer envelope.

Mailing

It is advisable to have an invitation weighed at the Post Office before buying your stamps. Occasionally, invitations with lined envelopes and several enclosure cards require extra postage. Additionally, due to their shape, square invitations also require extra postage. The use of a decorative postage stamp is always a nice added touch.

Your invitations should be mailed six to eight weeks before the wedding. Announcements and at-home cards are always mailed after the wedding has taken place.

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Click here for helpful tips on Wedding Invitation Wording.